I Control Ben Heaton

[factitious]

My songwriting friend Mike (not karlean7, the other one) wrote a song about me the other day! As is usual for songs about me, it's quite good. You should go listen to it.

I transcribed the lyrics, because none of my favorite lyrics websites had them yet:


I sound like an old computer
Because I am an old computer
I control Ben Heaton
I was built in the early 1930s

Yeah, Scrabble is the game at which I'm programmed to compete in
And if you choose to play me you are bound to get a beatin'
You say you're gonna win then those words you will be eatin'
I've played a million times and never suffered a defeatin'
You'll wonder what just happened as our game it is completin'
But you'll never know the truth

Because I control Ben Heaton

I choose the words that score the best
His fleshy shell just does the rest
We win at Scrabble all the time
Because I am in his mind

I control Ben Heaton

You may think that Ben's recent move to the seat of political power in the United States is in fact part of a carefully planned strategy on my part to sow the seeds of chaos amongst your nation's leaders
Rubbish

People just play Scrabble here all the time

I move his arms
He moves the tiles
I move his mouth
He talks and smiles

I am the wizard behind the screen
I am the brains behind the scenes
In Ben's head
Is a Scrabble machine